Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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