Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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