I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
