After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
