I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
