sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am naked and annoyed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize