At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
