just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
