Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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