did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize