i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
