That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
