hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Everything about him screamed your future.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize