just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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