We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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