I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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