woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
