i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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