oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
