It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
