Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
