I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
