He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
