Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
