Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
