we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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