Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize