he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
