Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
