Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize