I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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