Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
