I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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