He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
