got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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