in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So many bounce houses so little time
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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