Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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