then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
