They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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