I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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