just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
