If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
