your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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