if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
