can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
