Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
