My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
