We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
