the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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