Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
