I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh god it's open bar.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize