No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
