I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
