am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
