i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
