I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
