So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
