im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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