Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
