I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
