so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize