Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
