roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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