dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
