i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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