Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Someone shit on the floor
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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