im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
