I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
