im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can I color on your dick again?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize