cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
