when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
