Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
