im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
