We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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