tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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