dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
