One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It was confusing and full of hummus
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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