I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
