I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize