I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
