She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wish my penis had a tongue
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
