That's when you crack a 10am beer
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
