So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
