if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
