Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
