Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
