woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
