He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
