she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
