you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
