Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
