I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize