the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize