The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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