Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
