tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
