the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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