I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
