There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
