So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
