Sry I called you an 8
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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