im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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