I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
