So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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